Category Archives: insomnia

You’ll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

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Believe it or not, it’s been a while since I’ve been up in the middle of the night drinking coffee for no reason. Somehow I got carried away in my organizational frenzy this evening…This time it was organizing, clearing up and securing my electronic files. Changing passwords, archiving backups…Generally walking the tightrope of diligent behavior and you know, just being weird.

If you think that’s weird…

I’ve had a passing interest in “prepping” for a while…but nothing extreme. Keeping some stuff in the car in case I break down. Same thing w/ putting a kit together for the house…never know if you’ll lose power or a water main will break.

Well, someone posted this link: Your Emergency Computer Kit. This was a complete geeky prepper…I’m not talking about throwing a backup dvd of important files in your BOB. He gets into the importance of backups, integrity checking and complete drive encryption in case you have to leave it behind.

It’s interesting to see the electronic world and survivalist worlds intersect… After all, geeks want security and privacy from Big Brother–and if the protests of PIPA and SOPA were any indicator: geeks are against an overreaching government. You can see where some of that ideology is shared w/ the survivalist.

So, now you see people talking about their CCW and RFID blocking wallet in the same conversation.

Anyway, I got a kick out of it.

 

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge…

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I discovered today one of my former favorite britpop bands, Pulp, has reformed to do a summer tour after 10 years. Sadly, they’re all overseas…anyone want to go to the Leeds Festival in August? Common People off Different Class…pretty sure this was my favorite song/album my sophomore year of high school. Either that or Disco 2000. Jeez, talk about a blast from the past. My britpop phase. Pulp, Blur, Oasis, Supergrass, The London Suede, Stone Roses… Back when I had hair down to my shoulders, cheap sunglasses (can’t say that without thinking of ZZ Top and the Royce,)  black “The End” Smashing Pumpkins Tee, and my patented black corduroy jacket with drumsticks in my pocket. Talk about a lifetime ago.

Pulp -Something Changed

Do you believe that there’s someone up above?
Does he have a timetable directing acts of love?
Why did I write this song on that one day?
Why did you touch my hand and softly say.
Stop asking questions that don’t matter anyway.
Just give us a kiss to celebrate here today.
Something changed.

 

Sadly, or perhaps thankfully, this is one of the few remaining pictures from that era.

Rilo Kiley – A better son/daughter

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And sometimes when you’re on
You’re really fuckin on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fuckin cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through
You’ll fake it if you have to
And you’ll show up for work with a smile
You’ll be better
And You’ll be smarter
And More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you’ll be awake
You’ll be alert
You’ll be positive though it hurts
And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you’ll be a real good listener
You’ll be honest
You’ll be brave
You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful
You’ll be happy

and if you’re giving in, then you’re giving up

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Rilo Kiley – Don’t Deconstruct

//

You could just add them up
Then you could memorize prehistoric bones
And all of those old memories
You can push them out and prep yourself
For brand new information

Don’t deconstruct and then fill me in
I’m not that basic, I swear
I’ve had enough of breakdowns and diagrams

//

Another night passes and I’m still awake to see the sunrise.  The pressure has been building for some time and has recently burst. With every setback and failure it gets increasingly difficult to progress.  The desire to not repeat past mistakes becomes so overwhelming; inevitably the same thing happens again.

Without trying to sound overdramatic–the past six months…and in part the past few weeks, have been some of the most emotionally taxing moments I can recall. I’m frustrated of making plans without a solid foundation. The blueprint could be perfect but it seems like one strong wind knocks everything over…

I’ve been seeking that my entire adult life and while it appears I’m going about it the wrong way I know of no other.

one of these days

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I’ve been reading up on sleep disorders to discover why I always have problems sleeping and found a quiz. These were the results:

Insomnia: You have symptoms that are suggestive of Insomnia. See the following information for ways you can learn more about this sleep disorder.

Narcolepsy: You have symptoms that are suggestive of Narcolepsy. See the following information for ways you can learn more about this sleep disorder.

RLS/PLMD: You have symptoms that are suggestive of Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) or Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD) . See the following information for ways you can learn more about these sleep disorders.

Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder: You have symptoms that are suggestive of a Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder. See the following information for ways you can learn more about this sleep disorder.

ha

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My poor computer desk–its been through a lot. The trim is starting to fall off, the base has to be propped up and not to mention the squeak that not even wd-40 can get rid of…Ha, it’s been a good desk though. Made it through everyplace I’ve moved over the years. At least I got a new computer chair…

Good things are on the horizon: Hopefully. I have a seasonal job at Sears right now which is boring but is employment…Two interviews were had today and I felt both went well.

My sleeping schedule is officially non-existent again (go figure) and I’m trying to cut back on the caffeine intake to compensate.I find myself slowly sinking back into geekdom–we’ll see how this goes.

Other than work I’ve been playing an insane amount of Modern Warfare 2…I don’t get the controversy surrounding the “No Russian” mission where you slaughter innocent civilians during a terrorist attack inside an airport. It’s a video game. GTA depicts countless violence against innocents and Washington D.C gets absolutely ravaged in MW2. On top of which, the mission is key to the entire plot of the game.

Well, its December now. 2009 is finally drawing its way to a close and I have to admit I’m looking forward to the new year. This year has sucked in pretty much every way imaginable haha. Hopefully with smart choices and a little bit luck on my side next year will be better!

Fall into the century of supersonic cross…

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I was looking through my old cds and I stumbled across one of my former favorite albums. Daisies of the Galaxy by the eels always takes me back to a simpler time…a more joyful time. Sitting around w/ my brother and his wife. Incense burning, a glass of wine on the table and playing Spite & Malice for hours on end.

Fall is slowly creeping past us and winter is approaching. I’m not ready for it yet. I went out for a drive to a secluded place right outside of town…It’s a spot I go often during this time of year. Quiet, peaceful, just the crisp air and a clear sky above. It’s my go-to place when I want to get away from it all but can’t drive very far.I suppose that is one advantage to winter. Clean air and a clear sky–the stars seem to shine just a little brighter.

On a more positive note I finally got my car back and it looks better than ever. Runs smoothly and nary a dent on it. Although I do miss the sound system in my loaner car.

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I have to wake up in 4 hours to get ready for PT yet my legs keep bouncing and my fingers dart over the keys as if they’re daring me to take a typing test.

I don’t know why I’m so antsy or alert…I haven’t had any coffee in hours. Perhaps I’m nervous about how much I have to make up and how far behind I’m going to be come tomorrow. I missed a week of classes, an APFT and a ruck march due to H1N1. A few of my professors never bothered to e-mail me back when I requested there help on what to do. Yes, with the syllabus I could have kept up with my reading but until Friday–I was so far out of it that concentrating or reading wasn’t an option. My week consisted of staying in bed, watching tv, and sleeping oh 14-18 hours a day.

EDIT: PT in an hour and a half. Followed by: weightlifting and classes all day

go go gadget insomnia!

we want spectacular views

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Week 2 of training over
< 1mth until my birthday
and a little less than a month until I go see Radiohead

While I was at the hotel I finished up Flight to Canada by Ishmael Reed– this postmodern satire about slavery…not really set in a fixed time. It’s set around the Civil War but throw in some Jumbo jets and helicopters. I brought my school books with me but didn’t get too much studying done…Wound up calling a few friends from Louisville and grabbing some supper / walking around aimlessly and I was once again reminded of why I shouldn’t eat ice cream cones in public. =P

I was SOMEWHAT productive and finished up a couple of the psych homework assignments that we have to turn in before the end of school. On a related note, it’s official and I’m scheduled. I’ll have my associates for sure at the end of December…just a matter of figuring out where to go after that. Also, I got some really good news relating to that but I’m gonna see what happens first. Damn irish superstition!

Everyone in my training class is starting to get a little antsy–I know I am. Ready to hit the floor and go running! After our class was over Saturday I wound up driving down to Lexington and meeting up with my old friend Chrissie. It’s been so long since I’ve been that direction it was slightly like I was stepping backwards in time. The “blue bank” skyscraper shining like a beacon letting me know I was about home. Without conscious thought my car was driving itself back towards the Yellow House. The windows were boarded up and a large “For Rent” sign stood in the front yard. Somehow I wasn’t surprised that its still vacant. I hated living in that house, I truly did, but as Chrissie pointed out later that night…We’ve got a lifetime of stories that happened in those four months. one of my friends told me I should write a book about everything that happened there…said at the very least it’d make for a good show on MTV =P

It is slightly funny..or maybe interesting that though I was in Lexington, with the exception of the house, nothing there reminded me of anything in that town. If that makes any sense.

Still, the night was good and was spent in the way that two old friends who haven’t seen each other in ages should. Copious amounts of coffee, mixed with nostalgic stories that somehow become funny now that it’s all in the past. Politics, literature, current events… this is my buddy who I used to skip first period at Apollo with to go sit at a diner, drink some coffee and finish up our papers.. haha. Before long, it’s 5am and time to call it a night I vaguely thought about driving straight home so I could catch the sun rise. Windows down, arm propped up on the window watching the sun rise over the fields? Perfect…except I determined I needed some sleep and wound up leaving the next afternoon.

The drive back was still enjoyable, a perfect spring day. It was pretty nice actually seeing green (and a couple of blooms) on the way back… I like to think this trip put a lot of things in perspective. Everything happens for a reason.

I’m reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.

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Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night thinking it’s morning and it’s time to get up? Yeah, not much fun. I figured I’d make some tea and see if anything interesting is happening online. Not so much.Speaking of interesting… I do have a couple of new projects on the back burner. One: I want to learn Spanish. Really, I’d like to learn a couple of foreign languages to help out in future travels but…I’ve also learned not to bite off more than I can chew ;) Besides, I don’t have the best track record with Spanish..lol.

I met up with my writing instructor during her office hours the other day and had a pretty good talk…she suggested some books for my reading list and they all look pretty good. One of the things we really got into was how we both missed the college atmosphere. She just got her masters and I’ve been to MSU and UK. The cool thing about a college town was meeting up with people with different majors. Learn bits and pieces of something you’d never normally know. Especially with strangers. It’s cliche but it was a good way to start conversation with people on campus. At a community college everyone is pretty much in the same boat…Unless you’re in Nursing. They have so much specific information they have to learn its insane. I have nursing students on both sides of me in my developmental psych class and when they start talking about work I’m clueless…although it is nice to listen. Random: How come in that class there’s only two guys? Me and Caleb that’s it. I’m kinda surprised by that. Okay, I’m starting to ramble…I think the tea is doing its work. Back to bed.

Oh, and in another bit of randomness–I had to shutoff the breaker to my wall unit. It seems somehow the heat is constantly running, even when the knob is set to Air or Off. heh. Go figure.