9pm and you can see the last signs of the sunset out on the horizon. Orange and pink tendrils reaching out and fighting the encroaching stars.. As much as I love fall, this is definitely one of the better parts of summer. I enjoy the long days and being able to actually watch the sunset and enjoy the evening after one of those long days =P

Part of this relaxed experience might have been because I decided to whip up an irish coffee. lol. Nah, I took a little time out for myself this evening, read a few chapters..watched the sunset.

Got the results from my Bio test back…Solid B, I was slightly disappointed because I’d like an A in that class but…I’m not complaining too much.

That’s pretty much what my life has consisted of lately. School, work, homework, papers, trying to find those brief moments of relaxation and clarity in the midst of chaos :)

What dreams do you hold dear? The kind of dreams that make your heart race. That make you want to take something and go as far as you possibly can with it. To be the very best and run over anyone who stands in your way..

Do you have anything like that in your life? I hope so. too many people give up on their dreams, or well, don’t have any to begin with. This past semester I’ve just been taking GenEds because, I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay on the business/economic/computer path but I also didn’t want to fall behind any more than I already have….

Sometimes life interferes with a dream. Sometimes it’s easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day worries and troubles and forget the end goal of it all. I’ll admit, there have been a few times that I’ve allowed that to happen to myself–almost. It’s like a candle standing in the wind…at times the flame is bending, it’s strained. But, it never truly goes out.

Some things come slowly, one step at a time…and the speed you take it doesn’t necessarily matter as long as it’s in the right direction.

At least this semester, I’ve been doing a pretty good job of that. Anyway, just some random thoughts.It’s time to make that flame a little brighter

How does it feel to live on the edge of a fantasy?

Getting an early start to the morning, that phrase popped into my head. I can feel it getting close. For some reason, I awoke early and started cleaning my apartment. The radio playing softly in the background…Brewing up a pot of freshly ground coffee. Ah, how I love my coffee grinder. Mornings like these actually remind of living in Lexington. Yes, I hated both my house and the town but the mornings always made me smile.

But, I digress. Where was I? The edge of a fantasy, yes. The coffee, the joys of having my own apartment…even the cat running around was bringing a smile to my face. I guess, I got a glimpse of my future. Does that sound strange? I’m pleased with the way things are going in my life right now. I love the feeling of working towards a goal. It’s that internal drive that never fades. This is my last day of Spring Break, the semester is half over and classes are still going extremely well. I’ve also been hard at work trying to plan out just how I’m going to afford my new car and insurance to boot. It’s looking like this fall I should be able to do it!

Ah, being able to take road trips again…Yes, I know, you might be saying that’s why I don’t have a car. But hey, I was rear-ended both times..As long as I stick to the country roads and away from red lights I’ll be fine ;)

I’ve got to get busy finishing up some homework, but, I think I’m going to take a moment and enjoy another cup of coffee before I start.

EDIT: Hah, So I just checked my e-mail and look what my part of my horoscope says:

“The equilibrium we establish in our lives by both dreaming and doing helps us make certain that we never neglect our ambitious aspirations to pursue practical matters or get so lost in our musings that we fail to accomplish our goals. To be truly successful, we must seek balance in our personal journeys by courting both the rewards of diligent labor and the pleasure of motivated reflection. ”

Blending dreams and reality…

Okay…these couple of days have been pretty rough. Well, not really.. Just blah

Coming down with a nice little cold that’s kept me up most of the night..I don’t think I’m gonna be able to go to work at 10. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to get a little rest.

fredward.org was down for the past 2 days as I’ve upgraded my web server to a faster box. Hopefully they’ll be some improvement in load time. The reinstall went pretty smoothly except for the beginning. Setting up the firewall went without a hitch, I could ping out from the router but imagine my surprise when my clients couldn’t access the internet. Local traffic was fine so I knew their wasn’t a problem with the gateway…I spent about an hour looking through my fw.rules, using lynx to browse google etc.. Until I figured out there was a problem with my nameserver.. less than a minute later it’s fixed and good to go.

LOST is back and off to a very strong season so far. I’ve read somewhere that the Writers Strike is over…I hope so, and more importantly…I hope they start recording episodes of LOST..quickly! The way this season is shaping up, I really don’t want to get to the halfway point only to have to wait a couple of months.

I’m ridiculous amounts of tired right now in case you couldnt’ tell from the ranting and jumping back and forth…but when I try to lie down I just toss and turn…Me complaining about not being able to go to sleep. No Surprise There. It’s gotten better though, I’ve gotten calmer…Certain things don’t effect me the way they once did. Either that or I’ve finally realized that sleep is a treasure.. enjoy as much of it as possible

I did have an awesome dream though a couple of nights ago..Moved out to Washington State…I was a network security admin for some big telecom…Best part about my house was I had my little bomb cellar with a galaga machine in it. That’s seriously a goal for my dream house.

This morning is beautiful…although it happens to feel like noon.Woke up at around 6 to take Devan and Don to the airport.. They live on the skirts of Tulsa so driving in I was able to see the city lights. Absolutely amazing.

Now, I’m back at the house.. going to brew some coffee, read a little bit and then go see what I can see. Devan left me the keys to the Montero so I have something to drive. whoo!

Last night was.. completely alive for lack of a better work. Drove around for a bit just to get a feel for the full moon and then engaged in some relaxing activity to be able to sleep.. It worked quite well.

Woke up around 4 to check out the start of the eclipse. Drove out to a deserted spot out in the country to watch it progress. Around 5 you could see it perfectly. Even more then just the lunar eclipse, the stars.. some more notable than others stood out so well.. and one certain group of stars that remained hidden for a while.. The chill in the air brought a taste of fall.. it was nice :) It was good to let thought go and to allow the moment to sweep over you

Anyway, enough of that… Today has been pretty productive. Aside from busting my butt at work, I managed to get my insurance claim about my knee reopened.. gave them some new information. Hopefully they’ll cover it so I can go get my MRI done.

Also scheduled a doctors appt tomorrow.. Going to try to figure out why I’m so tired all the time and see if there’s anything that can be done about my general lack of sleep. Going to be nice to get that sorted.

Oh, yeah.. something interesting. While I was out in the country the other night my favorite poem came to mind and today at work guess what I happen to see as a screen saver? “We are the music-makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”

interesting

See that subject? Violent Femmes - Kiss Off. Wow. That one line somes up so much, when you’re living your life in the dark you don’t miss anything because you’re never seen light. Once you see the light and then that light is ripped away from you viciously you pine for it. You Need It. You search to find a mirror. For that’s all anyone ever wants is a mirror of themself. I don’t know who I am. So how can I find a mirror?!

When i’m on stage is the only time I feel alive and I think I’ve figured out why. It’s because for that short time I become my character and get out of my life. No worries, no cares, no pain. It’s just pure happiness.

Then the curtains close and I’m forced to become myself, so then I listen to music I can identify with. I feel like I’ve discovered something, I can’t put it into words though. It’s almost as if I know how the world works, I know the hatred, the evil, the falsehoods and it’s depressing. Yet you can’t stop trying to change things. For then you’ve failed, but you know how frustrating it is to know you’re on a futile quest?

I’m on a quest to save humanity from itself. Billy Corgan was on the quest, he delivered his message and suffered his pain, but now the torch has passed. One of a thousand can truly grasp the message but once you do you’re life will never be the same.

Who here knows what Rock and Roll is? What is symbolises? It’s everything!
I want some comments here.. I’ll explain more after I got your interpretation

But now.. I just want to sleep, for in sleep I dream. Dream of a life better than this, dream of a paradise, a utopia, but when I wake up it’s that much more depressing for I know no such utopia will ever exist